Monday, May 30th 2005

Protected: …and still MORE liquor and sexual fantasies…
posted @ 1:22 pm in [ ]

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Saturday, May 28th 2005

Protected: Time for more liquor and sexual fantasies?
posted @ 9:31 am in [ ]

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Friday, May 27th 2005

posted @ 11:30 am in [ ]
Hey, it’s Friday again, and you know what that means: I’m supposed to write about my cats. I gotta wonder, though, what the hell do people who don’t have cats blog about on Friday? I mean, just how does the other half live? For one thing, how the hell are you supposed to read a newspaper without a cat butt on it? How does one navigate toward the bathroom at 3 a.m. without a cat winding around between one’s feet in an infinity sign of furry helpfulness? How would I possibly presume to knit without Petra’s very helpful guidance about precisely where the yarn should go?

You know what I don’t get? People who have non-mammalian pets. Why the hell would you want to share your home with an animal who is totally indifferent to you? I mean, here you are, expending time and effort and love and money caring for some creature, and it’s a reptile, so it could give a rat’s ass. In fact, a rat’s ass might be mighty tasty. But hell if there’s even any enthusiasm about that. Whereas mammals have complex enough brains to, for example, like you. A fish, if it knows you’re home, doesn’t really have much to say about it. I mean, let’s face it, a fish rediscovers its world every 10 seconds or so. (”Hey, I’m alive!”) Compared with being greeted at the door by free-range mammals when you come home, why the hell bother with a damn fish?

My cats hear my alarm go off, and they come on into the bedroom to say good morning. They know I wake up slowly so I’ll be in there a while. They take turns greeting me with cold wet noses, tickly whiskers, burrowing-under-the-covers cuddles, and getting on the pillow next to my head like vibrating fur hats. It’s not as enthusiastic as when I stay up all night or nap during the day (they hang out with me constantly as encouragement when I do that: “yeah, you are finally coming around–isn’t this much better?”), but it’s pretty good.

Mammals rock.

Saturday, May 21st 2005

Protected: Top 10 favorite ways to lose my job
posted @ 9:56 am in [ - ]

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Sunday, May 15th 2005

I’m pretty sure fundamentalist christians are trying to kill me.
posted @ 12:13 pm in [ ]
They’re getting less shy about it, too. After their triumph of electing the antichrist to high office, they must just feel invincible. Not only does the Bush administration clearly hate everyone who is less rich than itself or its cronies, but presumably when the rest of us just lie down and DIE, he will bring about the rapture and all the jesusfish-affixing folks will be sucked up to heaven. Man, I can’t wait. I’m already sitting around through the destruction of the world. I’d LOVE to finish it without them.

So this week, I was nearly killed by several folks in cars that either had jesusfish on them, or were plastered with dozens of christianazi bumper stickers. I don’t know if these people are just high on Jesus and not paying attention, or if they have simply dropped the sham that they are not trying to kill infidels.

Seriously, dude in the jesusfish seafoam-green minivan, do you really think Your Savior wants you to cut off people in traffic without looking? Are you so unafraid to die, so hoping for your heavenly reward that you think you are doing me a favor by taking me with you? Lady in the white sh*tbox compact with the zillions of bumper stickers proslityzing about how pleased you are about the church’s wholesale kidnapping of any rationality you might previously have enjoyed and the legitimacy of legislating my uterus, does Jesus honestly want you to slam on your brakes when entering a rotary? There is a whole big world around you, my dear. Look around.

Jesus, I exhort you: urge your children to take the bus. They can’t be trusted with private vehicles.

Friday, May 6th 2005

posted @ 9:30 am in [ ]
So yesterday in the distance learning class, Ana Marie Cox was our guest. She’s terrific: vital, funny, smart, into tequila, and quite a breath of fresh air from the usual old white male newsmakers featured in our media establishments. In addition to our discussion about who is a journalist and what constitutes journalism, I learned some interesting stuff about blogging that I didn’t know. For example, did you know it’s customary to blog about your cat on Fridays? Hey, if the Wonkette tells me I should be blogging about my cat on Friday, I am SO doing it.

My cats turned 13 this week. I considered having a cat-mitzvah for them, but it seemed so, I don’t know, crazy and religiously offensive. They’re litter mates, small dark tabbies who are especially affectionate and abnormally well behaved. They still sleep in a pile sometimes, like they did when they were tiny, near-identical fuzzballs. Titania always comes when you call her; Petra is a good hider but comes most of the time too. Titania will demand to be petted; Petra is less demanding but very plush, like cuddling a living Gund teddy bear. Titnia is more earnest; Petra is more clowny. Both are soft and good-natured, and they like belly rubs.

Titania is particularly concerned about how lame the news media has gotten over the last decade or two. News became info-tainment, and info-tainment became straight entertainment with a little informational content. Petra agrees (she’s pretty agreeable), but wonders if it’s the news executives’ fault for cutting real news stories and foreign bureaus. Yes, Titania points out, clearly people are hungry for real news, including international news: they are flocking to NPR in droves. Both of them are offended that the news industry thinks everyone who tunes in has a brain the size of a peach pit. Oh, adds Petra. We do.

Given that the cats are so in touch with their own species-beings and do not handle currency, I’ll fill in a piece of the puzzle here. It’s the same thing that’s wrong with many other things in our society: it’s becoming driven by money and not by quality or pride or an interest in excellence or a responsibility to anybody but the bottom line, and it’s getting crappier every minute as a result. Plus, with a 24-hour news cycle, you gotta cram something in there, and it’s not going to be quality stuff all the time. It would seem that the best idea for filling a 24-hour news cycle would be to open more foreign bureaus and report on other parts of the world (our fascination with the recent Pope-capades should tip off news organizations that Americans are indeed interested in world news), but instead bureaus are shutting down left and right. Much news has ceased to be news and is now just money-grubbing bad entertainment, ironically in the very age when people are more interested than ever about what’s going on in the larger world.

This is just one of the many reasons why Petra and Titania both think blogging is important. With news conglomerates making the decision to SUCK rather than report real news–which is after all expensive and takes work, unlike the preferred sitting around and feeding us crap, which makes money and takes very little work–to some extent, the political bloggers make political news organizations hustle. Plus, it puts information in the hands of the people. Commentary, observations and news stories coming right from the population: what could be a more pleasingly socialistic response? All you care about is money? Well, we care about actually being informed and we’ll do it ourselves if you won’t. Power to the people! Next, let’s dismantle the machinery of the state. Right after this belly rub.