Dr. Meg will once again be a guest on tomorrow’s Ironfeather radio show from 12 - 3 p.m. MDT. If you’re not in the Denver / Boulder area, you can still hear the show on the KGNU website. Just click on “listen.” A copy of the show will be saved in the archives for a couple of weeks afterward. I know a bunch of you are reading and lurking, because the volume of my spam moderation queue is utterly excessive these days. Feel free to tune in for more (purposely) terrible lifecoaching advice–or even call in and get some for yourself!

As I think y’all know, I’m an only child. As such, I’ve been entertaining myself for decades now, and I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Here’s the latest thing giving me the giggles.

I was watching TV or something months ago, and someone referred to the Spider-Man movies. The funny thing was, she pronounced it a little bid oddly. Instead of the usual “Spider-Man,” with emphasis more or less equally on the “Spi” and the “Man,” she said, “Spiderman,” emphasizing only the “Spi,” and giving the “a” a sort of schwa sound, hence making it sound like a surname: Goldman, Mossman, Spiderman. As in: “I’m here for the Spiderman bar mitzvah.”

Okay, that in itself cracked me up. But you know I can’t leave well enough alone.

“We had Herb and Rachel Spiderman over for dinner the other night.”

“Oh yeah? I love the Spidermans! They’re so amazing.”

I just go on and on about the Spidermans until I’m laughing so hard I have to stop. Then I go down to Sam Spiderman’s deli and have a nice egg salad.

Perhaps my favorite Greek myth is that of Orpheus and Euridice. If you’re not familiar with it, let me fill you in.

Orpheus was a wonderful genius musician of the variety that woodland creatures would sing and dance along when he played, like a cross between DaVinci and a Disney movie. He fell passionately in love with the beautiful Euridice, who loved and appreciated him in every way. On their wedding day, though, she was bitten by a snake and died. Orpheus was devastated. He couldn’t make music, or really even function — he sort of did the ancient Greek equivalent of sitting around in his worst pair of underpants drooling, and not bathing or leaving the house or anything. The woodland critters, having nobody to play their furry hoedowns, were even concerned.

Finally, Orpheus got off his sad, soggy duff, and resolved to go after Euridice. He bathed and threw on a fresh toga, grabbed his lyre and went off to Hades, where the living cannot go, but he charmed his way in with his music. He lulled Cerberus to sleep, paid the ferryman, finally met with the god of the underworld himself, charmed him with music, and begged for Euridice’s release. Eventually, the god gave in, but with one condition: Orpheus had to walk out of Hades the way he had come, and not turn around to look back until he was back in the surface world. Euridice would walk out behind him, but if Orpheus turned around to look back, she would be taken back into Hades forever. No do-overs. Orpheus hastily agreed, and started the trek back up to the surface world. The whole time, he worried about whether Hades had been straight with him, and whether his true love really was back there. He had every right to be nervous, of course, because the Greek gods were like the cast of a soap opera.

Finally, Orpheus could see the “Exit” sign above the opening into the surface world. He was so close, and the feeling of having been duped by Hades was stronger than ever. A few moments before he would have reached the exit, he was overwhelmed by having to know for sure, and he turned quickly, just to steal a glance behind him. Euridice had been back there the whole time, all right, and as he turned, she emitted a terrible shriek and was sucked back down into the underworld forever. Orpheus never got past it. His music was still beautiful, but it was always really sad after that. He was never the same, probably because he knew he had had more chances than most for true love and happiness, and he really screwed the pooch.

I’m not sure why I like this story so much. Usually, I like movies with a lot of explosions and not tear-jerkers. You’d expect me to like The Odyssey (which I do), but not something like this. It might be because it’s about having faith in the people you love.

In any case, imagine how different the story would have come out if Orpheus and Euridice had had text messaging:

O: I C the Xit. U still back there? E: Yep O: Kewl. Almost there! E: Sweet! Can’t wait 2 kiss U O: Me neither. Got all the snakes out of my apartment 2 E: Thx! UR so sweet. Just don’t turn around, OK? O: No worries, we’re good. IM out! E: Kewl

…and they’d live happily ever after, facilitated and reassured by the joys of modern technology.

The KGNU Afternoon Sound Alternative (broadcast live on May 26th) hosted by Ironfeather and Hannah Banana, with guest Dr. Meg:

MP3:

http://kgnu. org/audio/AfternoonSoundAlternative_2008-05-26. mp3

Streaming audio:

http://kgnu. org/cgi-bin/play. m3u?show=AfternoonSoundAlternative&date=2008-05-26